1st of the month is photo day

Once upon a time a long long time ago I used to dream of becoming a photographer, I did a little photography course and for a while took a few pictures but as is always the way it got pushed to the sidelines and I haven’t really took any photographs for ages apart from the ones on my phone.  

So I decided that I am going to start taking a photo of the girls on the 1st of each month to capture them growing up and also to keep my hand in BUT the 1st of the month is tomorrow and I am in no way prepared for this, I did think of putting it off until next month but then next month will turn into the month after and then it will be next year and I won’t have taken any frigging photos!

I figure if I publish this now then it will make me follow through with the actual action of taking the sodding photographs.

Heres hoping anyway…

Mummy Guilt

Today I am feeling enormous amounts of mummy guilt for no apparent reason apart from my children are getting on my bloody nerves! They are extra loud, extra messy and extra moany which in turns means I am extra shouty (even though I don’t actually shout at my kids) and I seem to be  constantly saying, in a minute, just give me a minute or ignoring them... which then makes me feel like shit! 

So I am praying to the god of children today... Please make my children behave this afternoon and then I won't feel guilty about being a shit nagging mother with a short fuse

A Family Bucket List...

I don't really like the term "Bucket List" especially when it’s to do with my girls but I want to do a worldwide adventures "Bucket List"

On the list already:

Places to visit

Disney World Florida (we have done this already last year but I want to do again when they are old enough to remember)

Lapland to see Santa

Disneyland Paris at Christmas

Rome

Venice

Pyramids

Loch Ness

Seal Island in Scotland

Loch Ness

Seal Island in Scotland

Giant’s Causeway

Yellowstone Park

The Great Barrier Reef

Paris

Easy Stuff

Roll down a really big hill

Camp out & build a den

Run around in the rain

Go sledging

Eat blackberries growing in the wild

Watch the sun go up

Do a family tree

Glastonberry

Not so easy stuff

See Dolphins/Whales in the wild

Visit an active volcano

Climb Snowdon

See the Northern Lights

A follow up on Children who don't know their own names.

Whilst I was sat in the doctors yesterday I remembered a story about a 3 year old girl who died of neglect in Liverpool and the news could not show a picture of her as she had never had a photograph taken of her... Ever!


If her parents could not be bothered to feed her or let her out of her bedroom then it is not inconceivable that this little girl didn't know what her name was, maybe it's not so unbelievable after all.

Madeleine McCann

A lot is in the press today re the search for little Madeleine McCann and I know people are entitled to their opinions but certain comments I have read today just make me angry.


Whatever peoples opinions are of her parents and I know a lot of them are bad, this should not distract from the fact that this little girl is missing, whether presumed dead or not it doesn't matter.


As parents we all do things that leave our children open to the hands of predators, whether it being letting them play in our gardens, leaving them in the car whilst we go into the petrol station/shop... whatever, we all do things that in the wrong place or time could lead to devastating results.


God forbid should anything happen to one of my girls I would hope and pray that the authorites or the people of this country wouldn't just "give up" looking for her because I wasn't likeable! 


**Update** 
I want to clarify what my intention of this blog was:
It wasn't anything to do with the McCanns being right or wrong, whether they were involved or not 
It was not to say that others cannot have a view on the situation.


What upset me the most was seeing comments like "Well she's dead, so why bother" "LMAO Madeleine McCanns dead"


In my personal opinion we seem to have forgotten its about a little girl and we should be trying to find out the truth. What if she is still alive, do we just forget about her? And if she was killed, do we let her murderers walk free?


For me its about the truth.

Children who don't know their own name?

I saw this on Twitter yesterday and in all honesty I didn't believe it, how on earth can a child not know its name???


Even if they don't know their last name surely they know their own Christian name? 


Well according to press apparently its a growing problem amongst deprived children that their parents spend too much time watching TV or on the internet to talk to their children and to call them by their name.  


http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_9550000/9550285.stm


I do believe that far too many children cannot write their own name or may not even know their full name by the time they start school but if its true that their parents never say that child's name then I find this very sad, even though I am dubious of how widespread this is.


My 2 year old knows her own name in full and sometimes she likes to add Princess to the beginning, she also knows her baby sisters full name and she knows mummy and daddy's names as well. Its handy if she ever gets lost in the supermarket but we've primarily done it because its good fun for her, one of her favourite games is "what's your name mummy?" and in return I ask her what her name is, what's her daddy's name, Baba's name etc.. She loves it. We are well on the way for her learning to write her name, she recognises it when she see's it wrote anywhere and she can also identify the words Mummy, Daddy & Isobel


If this is what is happening to our children in society then it just makes me feel very sad and not just because of the lack of knowledge/pre school education for a child but for the lack of parental love/family time that that child must have missed out on. 

The Sound of Silence

I want to start with I really love my girls more than anything else in the world and I would lay down my life for them BUT god do I miss silence!!


Before I had kids I had a stressful highly paid job, I worked 70/80 hours a week. My husband used to work away a lot during the week so, I got to spend a lot of time on my own. People used to say I don't know how you do it, don't you get lonely or scared being on your own? And my answer was always no, I love it! I can go where I want, do what I want, go to bed early, watch what I want.. I like my own company... I would finish work, sometimes go to the gym, go home, have tea, a long bath and then watch TV or read in bed, it was bliss.

AND in comparison to looking after 2 little ones 24 hours a day, 7 days a week it was a bloody doddle.

Now I am a stay at home mum with an almost 3 year old who NEVER stops talking, asking questions, wanting to play. She started walking and talking at a very young age, to me she never seemed like a baby and now she never stops! All day, every day from the minute she opens her eyes it's "Mummy" "Mummy" "Mummy". Then there is Baba who is 17 months old and she also never stops, she isn't really talking yet so she gabbers to me in Chinese (or German if you saw my previous blog) all day long, that's when she isn't screeching, shouting or clinging to my leg crying! 


Pre kids I was very intolerant of people with children, sat at home all day, watching Jeremy Kyle!!! What are you people moaning about?? It must be so easy... Blah Blah Blah!! All I can say is what goes around comes around and I have been well and truly made to eat my own sodding words, both during pregnancy (Your only pregnant, whats wrong with you?? I had the worse pregnancy ever!!) (serves me right, I know, I know) and also since having the girls. Its hard work, I feel awful if I say to the girls, just give me a minute but then I can't be on all the time! Mummy guilt is the most awful thing ever (I feel another blog coming on).


But I really do miss the silence at times, my nerves are shredded, my ears ring but I keep telling myself only another 3 years and they will both be at school.. That will go quick? Right???

Twitter Saved My Life...

I've been thinking about this blog for a while and by coincidence or fate (via Twitter) I have been convinced to write it, as it seems I am not the only one who Twitter has saved.


Now I don't mean literally, I wasn't  about to jump off a cliff (not yet anyway) but I was struggling.  I had two young babies, a husband who works away, a baba who is the apple of my eye but she is clingy, loves a good moan, is a terrible sleeper and I think I was starting down a slippery slope.


I set up my blog last year but I never actually got around/had the confidence/inspiration to blog anything but in February this year I was truly fed up so I decided that I would give it a go and promote it via Twitter. What I didn't expect was to find this whole new world! So many mums (and dads) all tweeting about their parenting experiences and life in general. So I got rid of all the celebs I was following and watched real life evolving all across the twittersvere. I loved it! I forgot about my blog and got sucked into Twitter and found some genuine lovely people and I couldn't be happier. I have made a few faux pas but I'm new at this social networking malarkey so hopefully people won't judge me too harshly and if they do... Well, I don't really care, as a woman once said at the top of Mount Teide Fuck um!! (another story completely)


But I'm in a good place, I seemed to have regained my sense of humour and I am also looking at my blog again which is ALL over the place but I'm sure with a bit of time I will find my flow/style whatever...


So thank you Twitter for saving my life


Now if you could just help me find my money tree.....

10 things no one tells you about having kids!

You get told lots of things whilst your pregnant... It will change your life... It's best thing ever... You will never know love like it... but here are a few things that people don't tell you...

1. You are absolutely fucking knackered, not just tired but you could actually take to your bed for months knackered

2. If you have a girl, you have to clean poo out of their foof!

3. You will no longer be able to hear your own thoughts, all you will hear is "Mummy" "Mummy" "Mummy" "Mummy" over and over again

4. Your children will accompany you everywhere, even to the bathroom. Pooing in peace is not an option, I often have a child sat on my frigging knee whilst I'm on the toilet

5. You won't think twice of wiping a child's nose with your hand, sleeve, coat.. Whatever gets the job done

6. Calpol is the best thing EVER

7. As is Gin (not recommend for the kids)

8. You will never sit in a clean, tidy, quiet house alone until they start school and that's in 5 fricking years!!

9. They only eat cheese after the age of 18 months, sometimes crackers and a few raisins if lucky

10. They never sleep!!!!!

But you will love these germ riddled, uncooperative little monsters unconditionally...

Either that or you'll run off and join the circus!!

No Discipline

Whilst I'm hiding in the kitchen pretending to work a thought struck me...


I really am a crap disciplinarian.  I don't know where to start trying to control my children, I really don't!!


Luckily Amelia who is almost 3 is on the whole a very well behaved child, she is polite, does as she is told (mostly) and only rarely has tantrums but...


Then we have Baba who is pretty much out of control. She is 16 months and strops like you've never seen strops before! She smacks, throws things, falls on the floor screaming her head off, won't walk anywhere, wants to be carried ALL the time, doesn't sleep well, won't get in her carseat, won't get out of her carseat.... You get the picture and I have no idea what to do about it.


At the moment I am ignoring it and praying she improves on her own, I keep telling myself its a phase she is going through BUT I do know that at some point I am going to have to address it. What I don't get is how the hell do I get a 16 month old baby to understand??? She is unreasonable and doesn't understand co-operation, threats of a smacked bum or bribery (whatever works)


Pre babies I was ruthless and I wouldn't think twice about tearing a strip of anyone, no one was safe. I was border line rude, I didn't take fools at all and woe betide anyone who dared to stand up to me. Everyone thought I'd be a tyrant of a mother, extremely strict... By God how wrong... I am a pushover, I have no control over them and no idea what to do

Which is now causing me to panic! How can two such little people wield so much power over me??? How can they turn me from a major pain in the ass to a pushover???


I don't get it??? WTF is going on???


**excuse me whilst I have a mini meltdown**


Oh ok, hang on a minute..,


My husband has just said don't worry it's a phase... Phew I can bury my head again...


For a little bit anyway, at least until I can bribe her!!

Awwww / Urgh

My husband is making me watch Touch you know the one with Kiefer Sutherland in it... Well it's crap, really, really crap "Jake" "Jake" "Jake" If I hear him shout Jake one more time I'll fucking Jake him!

Sorry I digress, in one episode his wife had her wedding ring engraved 1+1 = 3 and I really liked that, of course in our case it would be 1+1 = 4 but I thought that was really sweet and it also made me vomit a bit in my mouth!

I think my baby is Hitler...

Picture this if you can...
A little family walking around Ikea...
Mummy & Daddy, two little girls, one almost 3 and a 16 month old...
Both girls wearing matching love heart rain coats...
The 2 year old skipping and singing...
The 16 month old... doing a perfect Hitler Goose Step!!!!
Not just once but almost the whole way around Ikea, well when she wasn't demanding to be carried.
Now she doesn't do the arm salute but she is only 16 months old so co-ordination isn't her strong point and I'm sure I heard her shouting nein!! nein!!
The more I think about it her babyish chattering isn't gibberish it could be bloody German!! 
AND she is very bossy, she demands complete adoration AND she has a dodgy hair style.


But she doesn't have a moustache...

Doh...

I have somehow managed to follow my own blog but I don't know how I've done it!! 


Just call me a technical genius!!


Oh no sorry I meant dick head!

Sad news

Not my normal sort of post but today I found out that a childhood friend has died, I don't know how but I know it was sudden and she was only 37.


I haven't seen or spoken to her in years even though occasionally she did cross my mind, wondering how her life turned out... was she happy.. Etc.. I am truly terrible at keeping in touch with people and I often think oh I will get in contact with such and such but I never do it, which is sad that I let relationships just fizzle out, in truth the internet has been a god send for me and my lazy ways to at least keep in touch with family but some people still slip through the net.


Clare lived across the road from us, her mum and dad used to get my little brother from school whilst my mum was at work and I have known her since I was probably about 5 or 6 years old. I am sad to say I wasn't always a great friend, whenever I fell out with my other friends, Clare would be my go to friend or if I was grounded (which was a lot) then my mum would still let me go and play with Clare because she was one of the good girls.


Reading through tributes for her it seems like she was still one of the good girls.


There are so many evil people in this world but we seem to lose far too many of the good ones young. Just in the last 12 months I have found out that 4 old school friends of mine have died! 4!! So Clare will make 5.


We are in our 30's!!! So I am having to learn not to take life for granted, it's not a given that I will live until I'm 100 but hopefully I will get close.


I hope the good ones have access to the internet...


Dear Clare


I hope your reading this from on high..


I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend and that I didn't stay in touch. I truly hope your life was happy and filled with love and thank you for being a big part of my happy childhood memories.


Good night and god bless xxx


Cherish your loved ones and don't take life for granted as you never know when its your last day.

Hi Honey I'm Home!!!!!!!!

Hey... You missed me???


Sorry blog I have neglected you a bit (a lot) lately and I will be back (in true Arnie Stylie)


I just need to work through some things... really its not you... its me...


I'm seeking inspiration.... Back soon... Mwahhhh xxxxx