Changes are a foot....

Sorry for my radio silence over the last few weeks but I am in the process of changing the blog and also the blog direction so everything is in a state of flux. (not sure flux is the right word but I like it so I am using it)

I will hopefully be up and running by December, it would have been sooner but I have shoehorned a holiday in between now and Christmas so that has delayed things a bit

Sleep Deprivation

Everyone tells you how exhausting it is to have a newborn baby, how to expect your newborn to wake every four hours, how a full nights sleep is well, something you dream about....

But what no one tells you is that almost two years later your little darling may still not be sleeping through the night!

That is where we are (argh).  Isobel is 21 months old and rarely sleeps through, my eldest was and still is a great sleeper, she slept through (and yes by sleeping through I mean from the 10.00pm dream feed until 6.00am) from 6 weeks and now goes to bed at 7pm and will easily sleep until 8am if Baba doesn't wake her up. I thought stupidly that Baba would be the same and up until she was 5 months old it appeared that she was going to be and then she started to wake up and hasn't really slept through since, she does occasionally but more often than not she wakes up. 

Its exhausting! I've tried controlled crying tough love and it works for a bit but before I know it we are back to square one and doing it all over again. I've tried not letting her have a sleep during the day but that makes her worse ??? The only way I can get her back to sleep is to give her milk, I've tried water and she looks at me like I am deranged. so I am at loss at what to do to make her sleep and funnily enough my sister has the same problem with my nephew who was born a week after Baba. 

If anyone has any miracle cures I am all ears!

Time or lack off..

Time is my enemy, it hates me! I do not seem to get a minute, things are just manic! 

You would think as my two lovely little girls like to get me up at about 6am I would have lots of time but it seems like one second its 6am and the next its 11pm and I've not stopped.

Why am I so busy...

Apart from the obvious and having two toddlers to look after, we are renovating the house which is taking a lot of my time as I stupidly volunteered to do the painting (why oh why did I do this??), as well as working during the evenings, two lots of gymnastics, playgroup, visiting my Mum and Dad, Nana, Sister, friends, ballet, swimming, shopping AND I'm trying to fit in a new career move as well!!! I really have no time for sleeping, bathing etc...

Pro Plus and Redbull are my new best friends, if I could figure out how to get a few extra hours a day I would be laughing.

Oh and did I mention my husband is working away? so I am also a single parent for the next 8 days....

I may soon be found rocking in the corner. 

Little Miss Independent

As there tends to be a Yin and Yang to most things, the Yin to Baba’s clinginess is Amelia’s independence!

Amelia has started nursery a couple of extra mornings this week and cried when I went to pick her up as she didn’t want to go home!

I had to bribe the little sod with sweets to get her out with minimal screaming; it’s nice to feel wanted….

Crying at the Nursery Door

Baba starts nursery this week one day a week, I booked her place with much anticipation last January but as the time got nearer I started to dread it. Which is ridiculous! I have not had a day to myself since Amelia was born in May 2009!

Like I said initially I was really excited about how I would spend my free time but then I started to worry about how Baba would cope as she is the original velcro baby, she screams blue murder if I leave her at home with her Daddy and god forbid I leave her with her doting Grandparents. She really is a nightmare, I was expecting the worse, even to the point where I was going to delay sending her until January but, as my husband pointed out she isn't going to change any time soon, so am I not sending her to school either? And because she is so clingy that maybe a bit of independence from me would probably do her and me the world of good.

Fast forward to last week where I had to leave her for the first time, I booked her in for a morning session to break her in gently, I took her in, she ran straight off to play, I loitered... she didn't notice... I loitered a bit more... she still didn't notice.... I shuffled towards the door... she didn't notice... I virtually got shoved out the door by the staff... she didn't notice... I looked through the window for five minutes... she didn't notice... so I got in my car and even though I was relieved there was no screaming hysterics I was also a bit sad that my little Clingy Miss Clingy Pants didn't need me (of course I know that’s not true but I was being melodramatic).

So I went off for three lovely hours, did some shopping and when I went back for her she still hadn't sodding noticed I'd left but her big beaming smile was good enough for me.

I am still preparing myself for hysterics though at some point, the little bugger is probably lulling me into a false sense of security and as soon as I think “oh that was easy” she will turn back into a wailing she-devil, clinging to my legs….

Lost my mojo

I have really neglected my blog over the last few weeks, I have most definitely lost my mojo and not just on the blog! 

I have seen plenty of things that I could talk about but nothing is really inspiring me or overly annoying me. The majority of interesting conversations I see at the moment are on Twitter where there are such a wide (extreme) range of views and not just on parenting but because they go from my range of "normal" to militant extreme views, I now just find it all a bit amusing. I know I have lost my mojo when even the militant AP brigade are not irritating me. (sorry to all you lovely AP parents, I'm not talking about you). 

But I shall be back I just need a firm kick up the backside and maybe an eureka moment to get me back on track....

Silent Sunday

The Shoes!

Also I got "THE" shoes..


Well not the exact pair but I decided to go for the mid wedge, as in truth I am a bit of a wuss when it comes to shoes and I didn't want to buy them and never wear them.


But I have a pair of ASH WEDGES..... WOO Freaking HOO!!!

I'm Procrastinating

I have a little plan for a new business venture, nothing ground breaking or earth shattering, I am not planning on taking over the world not yet anyway but a plan none the less. 


But... I keep putting it off, I'm not sure why. I'm pretty much ready to go but I am stalling


Along with dragging my feet finishing the decorating...


I am hoping its because I am  a bit tired pesky sodding life sapping sleep avoiding kids and that in a few weeks I will be back to my usual hit it like a buffalo self


So my word of the moment is procrastination  lazy, along with irritable, bad tempered, knackered....

I would sell my soul for these shoes

I don't know what's up with me at the moment but I have a wish list as long as my arm and number one on my list are these shoes.

The only problem is they are a £145, I'm sure if I shop around I could get them cheaper but still... A hundred and forty five pounds... For a pair of wedged plimsolls! Now once upon a time not so long ago I wouldn't have batted an eyelash at spending £145 on a pair of shoes but I am now a bit older, a bit wiser, a lot skinter so I am struggling to justify or afford £145 but oh my god I really want these fricking shoes!!!


I am willing to sell shares in my soul, I was a bit naughty in the past so I don't think I have a pass into the pearly gates so I may as well get nice shoes instead, any donations will be very gratefully received.

Silent Sunday

Hate!

Have I told you how much I hate balloons? No? Well I do, I hate balloons and clowns and butterfly's and ladybirds and snot! but mostly I hate balloons and it seems like my house always full of fecking balloons.

My mum bought my eldest a Dora balloon, which somehow managed to escape (I didn't do it governor, honest) Amelia was devastated as it floated off into space but I was pleased, happy even.

If I ever meet a person who makes balloons I cannot be held responsible for my actions!

This is Dora going into space

Decorating - The Play Room

We are currently decorating pretty much the whole house, I love and hate decorating with equal measure - I hate doing it but I love it when its done but I suppose that is pretty much everyone's view. I also volunteered to do the painting (why oh why oh why) but I did, so not much point moaning about it now.


Anyway the first room has been finished and that's the children's play room. Its always been a room that we haven't really used, its been a dining room (that was never used), a junk room (that was used), the dogs room.. you get the gist. So we've decked it out for the girls. I'm not really into bright and vibrant but as its a play room I wanted it to be exactly that! 


Lets just hope it means the toys stay in there and not all over the house...

After

Before

Not the best photo but its the best one I could find

(this was also Amelia rolling at 4 months old)

Bloggers Block

I have five minutes to spare so I thought I'd do a quick blog but for once in my life I don't have anything to say. I don't really have anything to moan about apart from the normal stuff which I always moan about. Nothing exciting is happening, I have a couple of work in progress blogs on the go but nothing I can run with now. So I am a bit finger twiddly, I'm a bit bored!


I might just post a picture of my boobs and leave it at that!

Guest Post for Wriggly Rascals - Should I have my baby immunised?

Getting your kids vaccinated is a no brainer……. Isn’t it?

At one time I used to think it was. I would scoff at parents who didn’t get their children vaccinated but all that changed as soon as I got pregnant. I started to do a bit of research on the UK’s and US’s vaccination programmes and to be honest what I found was disturbing, confusing, misleading and totally bewildering.

Whilst I was pregnant with my first child I saw an interview with Jenny McCarthy whose son has autism, which she believes was caused by vaccinations and understandably she is very anti vaccinations. I listened with interest to her views on the subject, I looked at her website which has an enormous amount of information and I read forums where people discussed whether or not to vaccinate, I read a lot of stories where parents were convinced that the vaccines had caused problems with their children’s development. This lead me to do research myself, I read a lot of denials from the government, drug companies, doctors who all claim that vaccinations are safe and that parents who didn’t vaccinate were totally irresponsible.  I also of course came across Dr Andrew Wakefield’s paper which says that he thought single vaccinations are possibly safer than the MMR. Then you have the other argument against single vaccinations, if you chose the single vaccination route then you are exposing your child to 3 x the amount of mercury, so we shouldn’t vaccinate at all and just let the body’s immune system do its job….. Argh!!

Itis a quagmire of contradictions, opposing arguments and just down right scaremongering. I was also being bombarded with swine flu vaccination scare stories as we were in the middle of the Swine Flu outbreak when my eldest was born. Interestingly enough we are now starting to hear reports of cases that the Swine Flu vaccination has caused narcolepsy in some children and that Finland are no longer using the vaccine on the under 20’s unlike the UK who are still using it, put that together with the recent measles outbreak because people have chosen not to vaccinate, it seems like we can’t ever do the right thing.

The question I asked myself at the time was which could I handle more: My child falling ill or worse dying from a preventable illness or my child being disabled from my choice to try and protect them?

It was a tough decision but in the end I vaccinated my girls, I felt the odds of my child being affected by the vaccine was minimal, even though I do think there is a risk with the vaccines regardless of the claptrap that the government and drug companies try to tell us but for me the benefits far outweighed the risk.  We have eliminated and controlled serious illnesses with our vaccination programmes and so it made sense to have it done, even though in all honesty it also terrified me, but I am my own worse enemy as I like to know the ins and outs of everything so I scare myself to death in my quest  for knowledge.

It wasn’t without its problems though, my eldest who is 3 now started walking at 10 months old so by the time she had her MMR at 13 months she was a competent walker, she was an agile little thing that could run, spin around etc. She had her MMR in the morning and by the afternoon she was limping, then by tea time she was walking on her tiptoes on her left leg, by bed time she wouldn’t walk at all and she reverted back to crawling. I was terrified that I had damaged her, that she was going to go into a shell, that I had caused her to become autistic, I had crippled her…all these awful thoughts went through my head, I was heartbroken. The next day she still wouldn’t walk so I took her to the doctors, they thought she was just a bit sore and to come back in a week or so if she was no better. I really felt like I was being fobbed off, it was terrifying but thankfully she did get better but it took a good four or five weeks for her to start walking properly again, it was the longest few weeks of my life, her leg was very bruised so I guess it was just really sore for her, I reported it again to the doctors but unfortunately it did seem like anything negative about the vaccinations were simply ignored and there was no procedure in place at my doctors to report any concerns or side effects, which is both disappointing and a little worrying.

Asa parent I don’t want to be misled, mollycoddled or lied to, what I want is the truth so I can make an informed decision on the best thing for my child. If there is a risk, tell me, give me the facts and figures because whatever you do in life there is always a risk.

Where am I now? Would I do it again?

Well my youngest has had all her vaccinations and I am happy to report that hers went smoothly, so yes I did it again and even though I had that scare and I do have my concerns I do advocate vaccinations. I couldn’t live with the guilt if one of my children contracted an illness that I could have prevented. 

I understand that this is not everyone’s choice, so my advice is to do your research, try and gather as much “rational” information as you can and do whatis best for you and your family.

Abig thanks to Wriggly Rascals for asking me to do this guest post for them, Iwas a bit nervous as it’s my first time and a much more serious topic than Inormally blog about. 

Pleasevisit their site on http://www.wrigglyrascals.com  or on Twitter @wrigglyrascals for greathelp and support.

If you need any #pregnancyreassurance, ask @wrigglyrascals for help. http://www.wrigglyrascals.com

@wrigglyrascals is a newcommunity to help #newmums, join in. http://www.wrigglyrascals.com

About Wriggly Rascals

Wriggly Rascals was set upby Shona Motherwell, a frustrated mum of twins Mhairi and Archie to get mumstogether to share pregnancy, baby and toddler advice via quick surveys to getthe facts about what other mums do. Our mums pass on loads of great tips tomums who have asked for help. If you would like some advice, get in touch atwww.wrigglyrascals.com

Here lies Julie she was talked to death!

My 3 year old can talk... when I say talk I mean she can REALLY talk, non stop from the minute her little eyes open to the minute they close, its incessant! 

Mummy, what are you doing?                 Getting dressed

Mummy, what are you doing?                 Getting dressed

Mummy, what are you doing?                 Getting dressed

Mummy, are you getting dressed?         Yes

Mummy, are you getting dressed?         Yes

Mummy, are you getting dressed?         Yes

Mummy, are you getting dressed?         Yes

Mummy, what are you doing?                 Getting dressed

Mummy, what are you doing?                 Getting dressed

Mummy, who is that girl?                         I don't know

Mummy, who is that girl?                         I don't know

Mummy, where is she going?                 I don't know

Mummy, what is her name?                    I don't know

Is she going to school?                           I don't know

I want to go to school                              hmmmm

Mummy I want to go to school                Ok

Mummy, I want to go to school               Ok

Mummy can I go to that school               Yes

Mummy, what are you doing?

Mummy, where is daddy?

Mummy, what are you doing?

Mummy, where is daddy?

Mummy, what are you doing?

Mummy, where is daddy?Mummy, what are you doing?

Mummy, where is daddy?

****STOP TALKING FOR A MINUTE PLEASE****

This goes on every minute of every day.  I am positive she is going to talk me to death.  If she does can someone please get the coroner to put on my death certificate: Cause of Death - She was talked to death

And the most scary part is I have an 18 month old jabber box as well..... Argh HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!

My daughter the blogger

Hmmm my 18 month old is a wannabe blogger!


Every time I turn my back the little sod is on my phone posting blogs, as she hasn't quite mastered the art of the written word yet, all she posts are empty blogs. Which in all honesty are probably better than some of the shit I come up with up.


She has done two of these in the last two days 

I am sure there will be plenty more to come and once she figures out how to write stuff this is an example of what you will get.

She text this to to my friend last week, I think she was saying she is looking forward to Christmas....

She is available for guest blogs and crank calls

Dad

Fathers Day this year has got me thinking and feeling a bit emotional. The reason for this mainly I guess is that I'm getting to an age where my friends seem to be losing their dads at an alarming frequency, add to that I am suddenly feeling my own mortality it can only lead to sombre thoughts.

So I want to put this out there as a special message to my Dad.

My dad is the best dad in the world, fact!

I love him with all my heart and soul but as with most things in life we never say it. If you sent me out to pick myself the perfect dad then I don't think I could of chosen better.

So Happy Fathers Day to my Dad, who really is the best Dad in the world!

Silent Sunday

The nasties under the sofa

I am a clean person

I love a clean house

I am a little OCD at times 

So

How come whenever I clean under my sofa cushions, which is regular its like an explosion in a biscuit/crisp/raisin/small toy factory!

It mortifies me! Really it does. I am sure if I cleaned it then left the room for 5 minutes and came back to look, it would like I had never cleaned it in the first place. I would try this experiment but I am too scared in case we have a Drop Dead Fred, who I am already convinced is Baba's friend... Seriously! This kid can make a mess.

If she starts calling herself snotface then I know I'm in big trouble!

I am renaming the day as Whinging Wednesday

Today all I have done is whinge, so I am renaming today to Whinging Wednesday.

I have whinged about lack of sleep due to my terrible twosome deciding that sleep is for the weak.

I have whinged that everyone has sun and we don't

I have whinged that Baba has a constant runny nose, which in all fairness is disgusting

I have whinged that my breasts have disappeared, completely disappeared! I bought two new bra's yesterday, 32 A and I still don't fill the cup! Fecking kids! Next step is a training bra!

I've whinged that it's still half term here so I can't take the girls to jellybeans because it will be bedlam.

I've just been to the clinic to get Baba weighed and the clinic is this afternoon not morning

I've spent £20 on a magazine, dishwasher tablets and milk! £20!!

And it's now raining

All this before 10.30am

Happy Days!

I am about to get crafty

My new Cath Kidtson Sew Book has arrived and I am beyond excited!

I think I am really getting sad in my old age, I have gone from hardcore party animal to Cath Kidston Cushion maker in three easy steps.

But I don't care, I am going to embrace my inner old fogey and craft until my hearts content, whether I am any good is another matter entirely but I can see people getting lots of cushions and bunting for Christmas (sorry to my family in advance).

First on my list to make is lots of girly cushions for my 3 year olds day bed and then I am going to tackle making a pair of curtains for my bedroom.

I will keep you updated!

Ooohhhhh so excited!!!

Silent Sunday

Irritated!

I am irritated this week.

I am struggling to shake it off, I have no idea why am I irritated but everything and everyone is irritating me.

I could do with hiding in 5 star hotel somewhere with only room service for company but as I have a husband and two little girls to look after that isn't an option, so I shall just moan to myself on here.

If you see me in the street or in Asda I would recommend avoiding eye contact, just pretend you haven't seen me and as the song goes just walk on by...

I am sure my mood will lift soon but for today and quite possibly tomorrow I am best to be approached with caution.

Know It All Parents, back off!!

Update:

I have decided not to reply to any more responses on this blog because I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall!

I do want to make clear:

I respect women that breast feed

I respect women that don't

I respect parents who co sleep

I respect parents that don't

I respect all sorts of parents and I have NEVER said anything different

I have also never said that my way is the right way to parent

What I don't respect is rude, ignorant people who have no respect for other peoples choices

Please feel free to still leave your thoughts, I will read them and no doubt mutter under my breath.

In the words of Ringo Starr...

Peace & Love, Peace & Love

**********************************************

Ok, ok, ok I clearly did not express myself right and people took what I was saying too literally so I have amended the post.

But what I do want to point out is that this is MY blog, with MY opinions and MY experiences so if you don't like what I have to say then don't read it, it's that simple.

I will not be bullied into changing my opinions because people do not like what I have to say.

Since I have had my children I have found myself being judged, berated and ignored by certain parents who are so adamant that their way of parenting is THE only way of parenting.

For example

I have never been judged for formula feeding my babies by another formula feeding parent

I have never been judged for using controlled crying by a parent who also uses controlled crying

I have never been judged for giving my baby a jar of baby food by a parent who uses jarred baby food

I HAVE been judged and berated by parents who breast feed, do not let their babies cry and who only serve their babies home cooked food. I can provide examples...

The vast majority of parents do not judge regardless of their parenting styles and this rant is not about or to you. This rant is to all those "Know it all" parents who try to bully or be little me into their way is the right way.

It's a tough job being a parent and the last thing you need is other people and the press telling you your doing a crap job or you are harming your baby by formula feeding or letting them cry occasionally.

I didn't breastfeed my two girls through a mixture of choice and circumstances.

I do not regret that decision.

If anyone dares to tell me I haven't bonded completely or that I have not given my girls the best start in life, then I suggest that you come and see for yourself my two wonderfully healthy, happy little girls. We absolutely and totally adore each other.

Ok I.....

I formula fed my babies

I used controlled crying when necessary to get my babies to sleep through the night. They are now 3 and 17 months and they sleep 7pm to 7am most nights

I discipline my children

They occasionally have sweets and chocolate

I use disposable nappies

I sometimes used baby food in a jar

Does this make me a bad mother? Well in the eyes of some people yes it does!

My response to that is we are happy!! My girls are well adjusted, they know their mummy loves them more than anything else in the world and they are HAPPY!

I don't care how other mothers parent their babies, I don't care if you breastfeed or not, whether you co sleep, whether you put your new born its own room from day 1, whether you attachment parent, whether you Gina Ford, whether you carry your babies everywhere in a sling, if you use cloth nappies or disposable or none at all, I don't care!! If you ask me my opinion I will give it, if you take my advice then that is up to you, I don't care!! As long as your baby is well looked after, not abused or neglected then it's nothing what so ever to do with me and I wouldn't dream of telling you that your way is wrong and my way is right.... Personal choice is well personal... I DO NOT JUDGE!!

So this is a message for all those who look down their noses and can't keep their opinions to themselves... Keep your nose out, concentrate on your own family, stop telling everyone else how to parent and mind your own bloody business!

I'm a lazy blogger...

Thats not an euphemism.. or maybe it is... anyway, when I sign into Blogger I get the list of blogs that I follow and it always surprises me how much some people blog, they blog loads! Most blog almost everyday, some blog two or three times a day whilst I blog.. occasionally, when I can be bothered, when I can find the time. It has taken me 25 minutes to write these piddling few lines, in between wiping noses, stopping my 3 year old running over her sister in a motorised car, going to look at snails, getting juice, wiping more noses... you get the picture it is never ending looking after toddlers and working from home and trying to blog but I am going to try harder because as they say practise makes perfect and lets face it I need the bloody practise!

Today I can't cope!

Well I can cope but everything seems 1000 times harder today than it did yesterday.

Why is it some days you feel like Superwoman! Whatever life throws at you POW! Kids play up POW! House needs cleaning POW POW POW!  and then other days (today) you couldn't give a flying fuck, kids play up - shout at them / ignore them / hide from them. House needs cleaning, bollocks to it. Shit thrown at you.. Oh look I'm splattered in shit...

I hate these days, they make me feel like a failure, I shout at the kids too much, I moan too much, I am too tired to do anything, its just SHIT!

I know the reason I feel like this today, I have a stupid cough that has kept me up for the last three nights, Baba also has a bad cough and my 3 year old has suddenly decided the last two nights at about 3am that she would like milk!! 

So I am tired, I am ill and tired or should that be sick and tired? Whatever... I aim to be on sparkling form soon, either that or I may go find the nearest (furthest away) circus!

Thank You God of Weather

Dear God of Weather

In all honesty I did not expect you to listen to me last week when I asked for some good weather but it appears that you did and not in a bad way! I was half expecting hail stones and lightening just to prove a point but the weather wasn't bad at all so thank you for keeping the rain away and helping to make my princesses day special.

If you could now put in a word with the lottery gods then that would be great!

Yours

A Very Relived Mummy

Happy Birthday Millipede!

My baby turned 3 on Saturday. 

3!!!!! where did that go?? it only seems like yesterday I did that pregnancy test, jumped for joy, panicked, jumped for joy, panicked... you get the  picture. 

My little bundle of joy arrived on Thursday 19th May 2009 at 10.35am weighing in at a respectable 7lb 04oz and I have never looked back since. She is the light of my life, I never imagined the overwhelming unconditional love you could feel for another person until she came into my world.

Gentle, sweet, funny Amelia Grace I love you more than all the stars in the sky! 

Happy Birthday my beautiful little Princess!!

Whilst I am writing to gods...

Dear Lottery God

Please can you fix it for me to win the lottery, as I like nice things but I don't want to go back to work and working from home is a real pain sometimes.

Thank you kindly

Mrs Waiting In Anticipation

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Dear Cleaning Up Fairies

Erm... have you forgotten where I live?

Love from

Mrs Living In Squalor

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Dear Gods who put petrol in my car

It seems that you no longer like to put petrol in for me, if there is anything I can do to rectify this? Please let me know as I do not like going to petrol stations, especially when its cold.

Yours lazily

Mrs I'm too good to put my own petrol in

Dear God of Weather

Dear God of all things weather related

I do not ask for much and very rarely (if ever) pray but it’s my eldest daughters 3rd birthday on Saturday and we have gotten her all out door toys. I don't want for her to have to look at her new trampoline, playhouse and sandpit through the living window because it is raining. She is also having a party on Sunday with a bouncy castle and lots of her little friends are coming so if you could see to it that it’s not raining I would be very grateful.  

I will even let it slide that you pelted me with hail stones yesterday!

Yours sincerely

a worried mummy who loves the sun

P.S. If you could also arrange for me to never get struck by lightning that would also be fab!

Toothbrushes

I hate toothbrushes... Well not the actual toothbrushes themselves but their ability to never be in the bathroom cupboard when it's time to brush the girls teeth, only to found under beds, in dolls houses, any where but where they should be. I even have extra tooth brushes for this very reason but it just means that I have more tooth brushes to try and find!

I would like to blame it on an extra competitive tooth fairy who is going the extra mile to get kids teeth to fall out but I suspect the culprits are a little closer to home!

Other Oddidties

Apart from the church thing, apparently (according to my husband) I have a "few unusual quirks" I think he is just rude but let’s put them out there..

1. I cannot sit with a dirty plate anywhere near me for more than a couple of minutes, when I've finished eating the plate has to be put in the dishwasher.

2. When buttering bread or toast the buttering has to be done on a plate, otherwise it’s just "bread crumbs city"

3. Washing cannot be left in the tumble dryer under any circumstance - ever!

4. Beds HAVE to be made pretty much as soon as you get up

5. I can only drink out of certain cups otherwise it makes me feel sick

6. All cutlery has to be facing the same way 

7. I never have ice in drinks (apart from when pregnant and then I always have ice in drinks) and I never ever drink from a can

8. I don't like ice cream

9. Ladybirds & Butterflies are the devil! 

10. Baths should be that hot that you nearly faint, if you have to lie down after your bath then you know it was hot enough.

11. I don’t really like people talking to me unless I want to interact, it makes me itchy if someone is talking to me when I don’t want to be sociable.

Now I am sure there are lots more but I don't want to appear strange....

I go to church but I don't believe in God?

Religion, Church, God, the whole malarkey is a bit of a strange one for me. I occasionally go to church and my girls are christened but I don't necessarily believe in "God" my husband thinks it’s a bit strange and he thinks that something seems to draw me in. Which got me thinking what is it that I like about going to church?? In short I don't really know. I like beautiful things so it could be a beautiful church, a choir that makes my hair stand on end but I do think it’s more than that.

A few years ago we went to Paris and visited the Notre Dame, I could have spent hours in there just listening to the Priest (even though he was speaking French) and listening to the choir, it was beautiful, peaceful, resting and it touched my soul BUT I think because I couldn't understand the Priest is one of the reasons why I loved it so much.

Our local church is not beautiful, it doesn't really have a choir, it has a rocking out sort of band with drums and guitars which amuses me greatly and it has a great sense of community. 

I think religion sets good values for children but is this the reason I take my girls to church? I hopefully install good values at home so am I just looking for an excuse to take them?

The thing that puts me off church... It’s the God part, which is kind of a biggie!! I don't like the whole we shall kneel at his feet, we are not worthy, chant, chant, chant... it reminds me of a cult, which I suppose churches are... a really big cult! It makes me uncomfortable. When I was getting married we had to attend church twelve times before our Vicar would marry us, on the seventh occasion I was a bit fed up of going so I told him we had been twelve times, my husband was mortified that I lied to a Vicar. I on the other hand didn't really care, even if there is a god, I know he didn't come up with that stupid rule!

I have read about many religions and none seem to hit the right note with me, I like elements of the nature loving Pagans, the serenity of the Buddhists, the beauty of the Hindus, the power, wealth and history of the Catholic Church and of course Madonna with Kabbalah.

Don't get me wrong it’s not that I am dismissive and a complete non believer but until I know one way or the other I am on the fence, keeping my options open... Because how do we know? No one knows for certain.

If Jesus were to walk the earth today he would be locked up for being a nut job - Fact!

David Icke could be Jesus incarnated... He could.. How do we know he isn't? We don't but he is branded a nut job. Admittedly I haven’t seen him perform any miracles but you get my point.

So where do I go from here? Do I stop going to Church? 

Am I searching for enlightenment? If I am, I hope he's got a big bloody torch because I am more confused than ever!